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Things You Wanted to Say
(size:.75)[//a journey through a memory//
by Laura Walsh]
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{
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(track: 'background', 'playwhenpossible')
}She hears you approach and lowers the binoculars, turning her head just enough so you can hear her speak.
(live:3s)[(transition: "fade")[
"Shh... they'll be here soon."
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(live:5s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Introduce yourself.]]
[[Ask who she is expecting.]]
[[Tell her you've missed her.]]
(stop:)]]Your voice carries further than you intend and her shoulders tense in alarm. (live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[A bushshrike, too, is startled. Its golden feathers catch the sunlight as it flits away and she turns to watch, visibly relaxing again.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Introduce yourself.]]
[[Tell her you've missed her.]]
(stop:)]]She gives a broad smile as you speak.
(live:3s)[(transition: "fade")[She is on the tall side, tanned cheeks and a few freckles, her sandy hair long and loose. The warmth of her smile is reflected in her brown eyes, and you know you are welcome here.
(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have something to say.->You have more to say.]]
[[Look around.]]
[[Watch the scenery.->Just watch the scenery.]]
(stop:)]]She gives a small smile. (live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[She knows.(stop:)]]
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")[She moves to your side and faces back toward the water, giving you a gentle nudge with her shoulder.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")["I'm glad you're here," she says softly.(stop:)]]
(live:10s)[(transition: "fade")[She doesn't look quite the way you remember. More freckles across her nose? More color in her cheeks? Her hair is loose and long, not the way she used to wear it. But her brown eyes are the same, full of warmth; her smile broad and genuine.(stop:)]]
(live:13s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have something to say.->You have more to say.]]
[[Look around.]]
[[Just watch the scenery.]]
(stop:)]]You ask who is coming, but she doesn't answer.
(live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[A knowing smile, a gentle shake of the head.(stop:)]]
(live:5s)[(transition: "fade")[She looks out once more across the grassy plain, and a flock of egrets suddenly rises up from the edge of the waterhole. They circle and cry out plaintively, settling a moment later with no hint of what stirred them.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Introduce yourself.]]
[[Tell her you've missed her.]]
(stop:)]]You pause to collect your thoughts.
(live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[
<textarea style="background-color: #416246; font-size: medium;">
Replace these words with your own. They are only for her; no one else will know them.
</textarea>
[[Tell her.]]
[[Look around.]]
[[Just watch the scenery.]]
(stop:)]]The sun lowers in the sky, the afternoon heat abates, and the daytime visitors to the waterhole--warthog, zebra, a furtive hyena--make their way back into the bush.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")[A lone springbok makes a slow and cautious approach to the water, pausing every few steps to check for predators.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[A small movement beside you, and you see her bring her camera out, pointing the telephoto lens at the springbok. The shutter makes just enough sound for the antelope to raise its head, and she snaps a second photo.(stop:)]]
(live:11s)[(transition: "fade")[The springbok finally reaches the water's edge, drinking deeply before bounding away on nimble hooves.(stop:)]]
(live:14s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Ask what we are waiting for.]]
(stop:)]]She listens.
(live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[She doesn't say anything, but she nods. She understands.(stop:)]]
(live:5s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have more to say.]]
[[Look around.]]
[[Watch the scenery with her.->Just watch the scenery.]]
(stop:)]]It's hot under the bright sun, and arid--what you would expect in South Africa. (live:3s)[(transition: "fade")[In any given direction lie dense clumps of thicket, and, though you have been focused on the shining waterhole some distance away, there is more to see around you.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[The rocky earth is terracotta in color, with scrubby bushes clinging to the soil, their leaves more gray than green. Every so often a spotted sand lizard darts out from hiding, skittering away once it detects your presence.(stop:)]]
(live:11s)[(transition: "fade")[The immediate area has been cleared for vehicles to observe the waterhole, but right now, only the Landrover is parked nearby.(stop:)]]
(live:13s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have something to say.->You have more to say.]]
[[Look inside the Landrover.]]
[[Watch the scenery.->Just watch the scenery.]]
(stop:)]]She smiles at the question, and lifts her arm to point toward a section of thicket just beyond the waterhole.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")[It is surprising how much of the veld is hidden from view, considering trees are so scarce. The jacketplum and boxthorn form tall screens, and where she points you can see the foliage begin to shiver and quake.(stop:)]]
(live:9s)[(transition: "fade")[Something is coming.(stop:)]]
(live:11s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Wait with her.]]
[[Get out of here!]]
(stop:)]]Long shadows stretch across the earth as the sun sinks faster, and the very air seems to brighten.
(live:3s)[(transition: "fade")[It is the golden hour.(stop:)]]
(live:5s)[(transition: "fade")[The last warm breeze of the day drifts by and, as if on cue, the thorny branches of the thicket part. You see, at last, what she has been waiting for.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[What is it?]]
(stop:)]]She laughs as you turn to go--impatient or afraid, she doesn't judge. But she motions for you to remain.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")["You should stay. You want to see this."(stop:)]]
(live:6s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Wait with her.]]
(stop:)]]Like a moon rising over the horizon, the regal head of an elephant appears above the vegetation, ears spread wide, trunk scenting the air for danger.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")["The matriarch," comes a soft whisper at your side.(stop:)]]
(live:6s)[(transition: "fade")[With slow, powerful steps, the elephant fully enters your view. You wonder how such an enormous creature could have been that close and yet hidden from sight.(stop:)]]
(live:10s)[(transition: "fade")[More follow, making a slow processional toward the water. Mothers and babies, sisters and aunts... at first, the elephants seem to mill about aimlessly, but their movements are a well-rehearsed choreography that will end with everyone in their proper place.(stop:)]]
(live:14s)[(transition: "fade")[Smiling, she turns her camera to the elephants. The sussurance of the shutter opening and closing does not disturb them; they know humans and their sounds.(stop:)]]
(live:16s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[It's time to go.]]
(stop:)]]
Is it bittersweet? (live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[Visiting but knowing you cannot stay forever?(stop:)]]
(live:5s)[(transition: "fade")[You can always return. She will be here again, in this place of memory.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have one more thing to say.]]
[[Give her a hug.]]
[[Say goodbye.]]
(stop:)]]She echoes your farewell, meeting your eyes with that calm, meditative smile.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")[You know that her thoughts are on the elephants, and as you turn to leave, she likewise turns back to watch them again.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Go.|Depart]]
(stop:)]]She returns the embrace warmly, holding on as long as you do.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")[You know that her thoughts are on the elephants, and as you turn to leave, she likewise turns back to watch them again.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Go.|Depart]]
(stop:)]]=><=
(live:1s)[(transition: "fade")[(text-size:0.75)[In remembrance<br>of]
Christen Merte
<img src="http://www.lauramwalsh.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/cem_addo.jpg">
(text-size:0.75)[(link-repeat: 'christenmerte.com')[(open-url: 'http://www.christenmerte.com')]]
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[[Replay|Begin]]
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(text-size:0.5)+(text-color: #416246)[
Created by [(link-repeat: 'Laura Walsh')[(open-url: 'https://www.lauramwalsh.com/')]] in [(link-repeat: 'Twine')[(open-url: 'https://twinery.org/')]]
Chill Lo-Fi Melancholy by LolaMoore -- (link-repeat: 'http://freesound.org/s/763525/')[(open-url:'http://freesound.org/s/763525/')] -- License: Attribution 4.0]
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Some dusty, bookmarked paperbacks are stacked on the dash (Bill Bryson, Barbara Kingsolver), along with a clipboard and papers scrawled with familiar, messy handwriting.
(live:4s)[(transition: "fade")[Between the seats is a book on South African birds, and a bottle of water is tossed on the passenger seat.(stop:)]]
(live:7s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have something to say.->You have more to say.]]
[[Watch the scenery.->Just watch the scenery.]]
(stop:)]]December, 2004. (live:2s)[(transition:"fade")[Addo Elephant National Park, South Africa.](stop:)]
(live:5s)[(transition:"fade")[It's late afternoon at Ghwarrie Pan, and she's right where she's supposed to be. ](stop:)](live:8s)[(transition:"fade")[A Landrover marked with the park's logo sits just beyond the lookout sign. She leans easily against the vehicle, wearing dusty cargo pants and a faded green shirt, binoculars raised as she surveys some distant point beyond the waterhole.](stop:)]
(live:13s)[(transition: "fade")[Your footsteps are quiet in the grass, and you don't want to startle her.(stop:)]]
(live:15s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[Call out to her.]]
[[Walk closer.]]
(stop:)]]
You pause to collect your thoughts.
(live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[
<textarea style="background-color: #416246; font-size: medium;">
Replace these words with your own. They are only for her; no one else will know them.
</textarea>
[[Tell her.|Tell her 2.]]
[[Give her a hug.]]
[[Say goodbye.]]
(stop:)]]She listens.
(live:2s)[(transition: "fade")[She doesn't say anything, but she nods. She understands.(stop:)]]
(live:5s)[(transition: "fade")[
[[You have more to say.|You have one more thing to say.]]
[[Give her a hug.]]
[[Say goodbye.]]
(stop:)]]background: https://www.lauramwalsh.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/chill_background.mp3